The unbreakable rule at Caloundra Salvos’ Just Men group
What is shared in the group stays in the group. That is the unbreakable rule behind ‘Just Men’, a thriving weekly meet-up for men of all ages, which is transforming lives at Queensland’s Caloundra Salvation Army, as Salvos Online journalist LERISSE SMITH uncovered. The winning formula? Guys simply bonding over fun, friendship and fellowship.
In a world that rarely makes space for men to truly connect, Just Men is flipping the script on brotherhood.
Each Tuesday evening, a bunch of men gather at Caloundra Salvos to connect and share their raw emotions, chew the fat, lift up a quick prayer and offer support ... and there’s an occasional hug, too. It’s a special, sacred time where everything stays real, respectful and relatable.
And it has proven to be a big hit since its inception six years ago.
“It has absolutely changed lives,” says the retired former Australia Eastern Territorial Commander, Commissioner James Condon, who spearheads the group and has a deep passion for guiding, pastoring and supporting men on their life’s journey.
“When you think about The Salvation Army’s mission statement of changing Australia one life at a time, we are doing that through Just Men. I have always had a heart for men in terms of their place in the church and helping men on life’s journey with men’s issues.”
Where it all started The formation of the weekly meeting all began with one man’s voice.
James recalls a local church member approaching him, expressing the need for a men’s group at the church after retiring early, driven by the effects of post-traumatic stress and mental health challenges. He emphasised that men had real needs: a need for fellowship and a need for a safe space to share and be vulnerable.
It was a serendipitous moment.
Sometime later, Commissioner James had been leading an Alpha course when he was asked by the church minister to lead a men’s group as part of the course. Afterwards, the men asked James if they could keep meeting together – and hence, Just Men was born.
Males from all walks of life join forces every week at 6pm at Caloundra Salvation Army after a community meal that starts an hour earlier.
The group draws men of all ages. Some are regular church attendees, while many others are homeless or struggling with mental health or alcohol issues. But everyone is welcome and supported to speak their inner voice, emotions, feelings and thoughts in an inclusive and respectful setting.
“I have often said the only thing we have not had is a punch-up!” James says with a laugh.
“But we have come close. When I stop and think about it, when I talk about mental health or other issues, and a man is telling his own story or opinion, he doesn’t like being cut off by another man coming in and having something to say!”
Keeping it real One key component for all those who take part in the get-together is keeping it real.
It’s a very real and earthy men’s group, says James, adding that for some men who rock up at the get-together for the first time, they may be surprised by the sometimes colourful language people use when they are openly sharing.
“But we don’t frown on that,” he remarks. “They are sharing and making it real for themselves.”
The group’s success amazes the leader, and while he has tried to analyse it, he knows there is a trust between the men. “We always say what is shared in the group stays in the group, and we have never had reason to doubt that.”
“It is beautiful to hear men pray, especially when it’s new to them. It is just talking to God like you are talking to someone. It’s organic and real.”
James picks a topic during the hour-long discussions for men every Tuesday evening. Half the night is for open discussion. The goal is to make it as ‘life-related’ as possible.
The topics discussed are diverse, ranging from overcoming anger and building healthy relationships to sports and the inception of DNA.
Of paramount importance is men feeling free and encouraged to share their stories and insights in a safe and confidential space. Where appropriate, some group participants are further encouraged to consider positive lifestyle programs focused on topics such as overcoming anger and fear and building self-esteem and healthy relationships.
And at some point during the evening, James will introduce the Scriptures and Jesus’ teachings, which are always welcomed.
“They never shy away from that,” he emphasises. “I’ve never had anyone look down on it.”
At the end of each session, the evening concludes with prayer. Men share prayer requests – everything from prayers for family members to upcoming court cases.
“We have seen amazing things happen,” James reflects.
“It is beautiful to hear men pray, especially when it’s new to them. It is just talking to God like you are talking to someone. It’s organic and real.”
Broader support networks One key component is that the leader doesn’t do all the praying; after making a list of requests, he encourages someone in the group to pray. There might be some silence sometimes, but eventually, someone will pray for that person, and someone else. And prayer is needed for men.
Ongoing issues such as mental health, brokenness, and reconciliation are just some of the many challenges that the male population is struggling with in society. Caloundra Salvos hosts four Alcoholics Anonymous groups, which connect the men’s group with a broader support network.
“There are a lot of broken men out there,” James reflects.
“We talk a lot about domestic violence, and some men will acknowledge that and seek forgiveness. We often talk about reconciliation with wives, partners, children and families.”
A key factor in the group’s success is providing a safe and confidential space for men to be themselves and feel accepted without judgment, regardless of their past experiences. The group has welcomed men recently released from jail who have felt loved and accepted. Many other men have shared their experiences of abuse.
Despite these challenges, every man needs and wants a space where he can let his guard down.
Deep down, every man wants and needs that space, James adds. They might sit there for weeks and not say anything, but then, all of a sudden, something triggers emotions, and they are ready to share.
One common misconception about men is that they are ‘hard’ and emotionally distant. People think men can’t be kind or gentle. But it really depends on the context and what area of society you are dealing with.
Listening and encouraging Additionally, James stresses the importance of listening to each man’s story before making judgments about their behaviour.
“I am strong about listening. Everybody has a story, and I never make a judgment unless I know the story,” James said.
“It’s the same with men’s behaviour and thinking ‘What is behind this? What is the story?’”
The community meal helps bridge the gap for many men who might otherwise hesitate to enter a church.
“It’s a big step to walk into a church,” he remarks. “But we have got the bridge through the community meal where they sit down around food.”
James thrives on helping and encouraging men – it is one of his life missions.
Pastoring the men is a key part of his role. He’s passionate about supporting them wherever needed, whether visiting them in hospitals or meeting for a coffee.
Furthermore, he keeps in touch with some men who shared their experiences during the 2012 Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse. At the time, James was the Territorial Commander for the former Australia Eastern Territory.
“I built lifelong relationships,” he says. “There are so many forces that shape us.”
Many inspirational stories have come out of Just Men, too.
One participant, Richard Smyth, began his involvement after the Salvos greatly assisted him with accommodation and essential material aid after being in prison for two years. He eventually found work in his profession as a landscape gardener after volunteering to help transform the church’s grounds. He wanted to give back, and now, Richard’s landscaping has transformed the property into a beautiful space with gardens, creeks, and ponds.
“Richard’s story has a happy ending,” James says. “He met Jess, a woman from the congregation who had lost her husband to cancer. Richard and Jess married, blending their families, and now attend church together with their children. We have a lot of good stories to tell, and the group plans to continue on for a long time to come.”
