The final siren
Across Australia, all major footy competitions are currently conducting their finals series and, for sporting fans, there’s quite a buzz in the air.
For months, we’ve followed the ups and downs of our favourite team (apart from Richmond AFL fans, it’s just been all downs for them really), and now the teams compete in finals with a view to glory. Perhaps not glory as the Bible describes it, but winning a premiership is pretty close to it for Aussie sports fans.
I can’t help but wonder about how some biblical figures would handle the spotlight of fierce competition with big crowds watching and excited commentators screaming.
Goliath would play in the ruck or as a prop. A tall, heavy unit like him would be high on recruiters’ lists to get him to the club. As long as he didn’t have to run too much, he’d be a real asset to the club. And he’d have to control his temper; he’s been known to lose his head at times of confrontation.
On the wing would be Peter. Full of energy, Peter likes to run and keep busy, so moving up and down the field all day would be right up his alley. He wouldn’t even stop at half-time; he’d just keep running up and down!
Judas would be picked in the firsts and would be a handy player until right before the final siren when, just as the team was about to score, he’d just stop, turn around and hand the ball to the opposition. What a turncoat! He wouldn’t get out of the carpark alive after the game; the fans would crucify him.
Mary and Martha would perform well but differently. Mary would listen to everything the coach said at the half-time break, but Martha would be busy cutting up and distributing oranges and miss out on the coach’s talk – the important stuff. Oddly, she’d then complain that Mary wasn’t helping her!
Lot’s wife would be progressing well down the field with the ball but wouldn’t see the big hit on her that took her out of the game because she looked back over her shoulder at the wrong time!
Moses would be awesome. Holding the ball and with the whole opposition team coming towards him, he’d just stick the ball up his jumper and wave his hands to the left and right. The opposition players would part right down the middle, and he’d just walk on through to score. What a guy!
Thomas would be benched in the first minutes and stay there for the duration of the game because the coach was tired of his backchat. “But why do I have to play as a back? I don’t get it. Why would you make him vice-captain? Why are our jumpers purple? I don’t understand this strategy. Why can’t I walk through the banner first? I just don’t get what’s going on.” Forget Doubting Thomas; they’d call him Whining Thomas.
And at the final siren, the commentators would enjoy reading out the scores: “Colossians 4:18 defeat Galatians 3:12”.
– Major Mal Davies is Assistant Divisional Commander for the Victoria Division
