Nice place, this
God: So, Adam, Eve, welcome to Eden. I hope you like it. To me it’s paradise but you might want to have a look around and get to know the area before deciding if you like it.
Adam: Thanks, God. It looks nice and roomy. Is there a spa?
God: Indeed. A hot one! Over to your left, past the waterfall.
Eve: Nice. And do we eat out or is in-garden dining available?
God: No need to step out of Eden, everything you need is right here. I especially recommend the pineapples – slightly ugly to look at and awkward to handle but juicy on the inside and delicious to eat.
Adam: And when you say ‘eat’ …
God: The big hole at the bottom of your face, Adam. Food goes in there. In fact, that’s the only hole you put pineapples in. Glad you checked.
Eve: Is it safe here at night?
God: Oh, yes. The animals are all perfectly safe. Just don’t step on the hedgehogs, and don’t listen to the snakes – they tend to walk around like they own the place. I’m starting to regret them already.
Adam: So, what do we do all day, apart from eat pineapples and jump in the spa?
God: Well, I’ll tell you what, I’ve been busy creating, so I’m going to go for a wander in the garden, why don’t you name some animals?
Eve: We can do that. In fact, I’m already thinking of calling that one over there an anteater because I just saw him eat some ants.
Adam: Ooh, I see how it works. I’m going to call that snake with the rattle for a tail a rattlesnake!
Eve: This morning, I was patting that one over there with the tail and all the hair and I began to get a sore throat. I might be allergic to it. I think I’ll call it a hoarse.
Adam: Nice idea. I think I’ll name that lazy one a sloth and that one with the unusual, single spike on its head a unique-horn.
God: That’s the spirit. Right. I’m heading off. Well, sort of, it’s hard to go away when you’re omnipresent.
Adam: No problem, God, leave it with us. We’ll get to work naming animals as soon as I’ve had something to eat. Heaps of fruit here. I might ask the snake for what he recommends.
Eve: No, leave it to me; you’re too easily talked into any old thing. He won’t trick me that easily.
– Major Mal Davies is Assistant Divisional Commander for the Victoria Division.
