It’s the wrong question!
Being a very literal person can be amusing at times, and also dangerous, and also frustrating – more for others than me. I tend to react more to words than the ‘feeling’ or sense behind the utterance of the word.
If I suspect someone is mad at me, I will ask them how they are feeling, and if they say, ‘Just fine’. I will say, ‘Good’, and happily move on with my day. They said they were fine.
I once served as a corps officer at a corps that hosted a weekly community meal program and, occasionally, we would have someone who was aggressive or threatening in their behaviour, often due to drug or alcohol use prior to their arrival.
One night, we had to ask a man to leave the activity. He hung around outside our entry, complaining about being excluded. We assured him he could return the following week, but our rules for behaviour were well known, and he had breached them and was not permitted back in that evening.
After storming around and yelling at the sky for a while, he came up to within a foot of me, held a fist up and yelled, “Do you want me to bash your brains in?”
I immediately replied, “No! Of course not. Who would agree to that? Who would say yes to that? It’s a closed-ended question. Go away and think of a better question.” And I turned and walked away from him.
He went and mumbled and muttered and paced for a few more minutes and then came up to me and said, “Do you want me to kick your head in?”
I was disappointed and said to him, “It’s the same question! No, I don’t want you or anyone to kick my head in. Again, why would I say yes to that? It’s just a different closed-ended question. No one is going to say, ‘Yes, please. Kick my head in.’ Now go away and think of the right question to ask.”
He stumbled away, looking sad and perplexed that somehow he’d got the question wrong again.
He wandered around mumbling for a few minutes and then came back to me and said, “If I leave now, can I come in next week?” I said, “As long as you’re sober, my friend, yes, you can. That’s a good question.”
He said, “Okay. I’ll do that.” He shook my hand and said, “Thank you. Have a good evening,” and walked away.
Could I have got my brains bashed or kicked in? Well, possibly. But I knew the man well, and his bark was far worse than his bite. Besides that, he was quite drunk and probably seeing three of me, so as long as he didn’t aim for the one in the middle, I figured I’d be okay.
Major Mal Davies is the Assistant Divisional Commander for the Victoria Division
