It’s all rhythm and rhyme

For ‘Mal on Monday’ today,

I thought, ‘Some limericks I’ll say’,

Although you don’t know it,

I’m quite a fine poet

And I always make each line scan and fit in just right.

Each Sunday I go to the Army

Despite my friends calling me barmy,

They say that I’m odd

For worshipping God,

I tell them it does me no harmy.

I know that it’s not a mere fable

That Jesus was born in a stable,

‘He’s the Saviour!’, said Joe,

Mary said, ‘Just go slow,

It’s too early to give him a label.’

There once was a grumpy old Colonel

Who preached on all matters infernal,

He’d constantly tell

Of our pathway to hell

Unless we found new life eternal.

I read in the Bible that Adam

Hooked up with a leaf-wearing madam,

She called herself Eve

And she said, ‘Wanna leave?’

Adam did, and children? They had ‘em.

I knew of a mischievous Major

Who liked the occasional wager,

God told him, ‘No more!’,

The Major said, ‘Sure’,

God said, ‘That’s not why I made ya.’

A lady attended a meeting

That sadly lacked adequate seating,

She circled the floor

Then walked out the door,

Her worship that day was quite fleeting.

The bandmaster near snapped his baton

When a bandsman sat down with his cap on!

He jumped to his feet,

Put the hat on his seat,

And then the poor headpiece was sat on!

– Major Mal Davies is the Assistant Divisional Commander for the Victoria Division.